Sitting down in front of my laptop contemplating on what I have been doing since the last five years in high school, it took me half an hour until I decided to take a few days going outside to make a good decision to fill out my UPU form. 

I could still picture my past self who were holding a wooden pencil sketching and doodling on her favourite sketchbook, ditching on her responsibility as a student who should be studying for PMR & SPM. Those were my treasured times. The most enjoyable moments I had every time I drew something out of my own imagination and it turned out just like how I wanted it to be. I really enjoyed seeing the improvements I made every week. I learned how to use various kind of art software (even Photoshop was a piece of cake ahaha) and started learning web designing. The people around me kept complimenting this one talent I had and the result of my effort staying up all night to finish up an artwork. That's when I decided to be a 2D illustrator. I knew I shouldn't waste this great talent I had so I pushed myself to make improvements every day. 

However, one day, I heard a conversation my parents and my brother had about his CGPA after his three semesters majoring in Digital Arts and that's when I decided that I should give up on my dream to study in Arts & Design in university after I graduate from high school. I don't know if I made the right choice or not but my sense of rivalry was telling me that I could never defeat his 4 flat even if I were to stay up all night drawing. Aside from my father who is more fond of science stuff, all of my family members have a talent in drawing. But my brother is different from the rest. You have no idea how his 11 years of self training in digital arts has brought him to where he is now. I know how much he loved digital and fine arts. He, at least, deserved those unconquerable result. In the end, it was a bad end for me. I stopped halfway towards my goal and that was it. My drawings skill got rusted after a few months not opening my sketchbook and lying down on bed updating my blog like there was no tomorrow. That was one of the most difficult time in my life. For the first time, I cried just because of a mere reason that I would not be able to defeat my brother whom I have triumphed over countless of times in exams.

I changed my goal to be a pharmacist after I got submitted to Science stream class in my Form 4. I knew I have always got my eyes on Biology and Chemistry since my first year in high school. Listening how my mother had so much fun studying in science course when she was in UK always had my curiosity piqued to know what Science has to serve my interest. But, as the saying goes, interest is not enough if it is not accompanied with efforts. My exam results was excellent except for Biology, Chemistry, Physics, & Additional Mathematics. I studied those 4 subjects just because it seemed interesting for me but I have never put any effort in understanding the subjects properly. So, putting it short, I, once again, failed to strive for my second goal.

My relative once told me that I should try to put some thoughts on becoming a patissier (or pastry chef) because she knew I love making desserts and decorating it. I simply did that as a hobby actually but I made a research about it anyway. Since it seemed interesting and, as the local society says, it suits more for a woman to work in the kitchen, I started to work more on reaching towards becoming a pastry chef. When I thought I finally have settled on a life goal, things just started to go rough. An acquaintance of mine who had an experience majoring in culinary arts told me that being a patissier is definitely not for someone like me. She said that time consistency is the utmost importance in everything when it comes to pastry making and this routine does not suit for someone who makes pastries out of a mere hobby. She also added that if I always complain if the outcomes do not suit my taste, then the world of pastry is definitely, positively, and undoubtedly, not for me to step in. It hurt hearing that but it was the truth. So, yeah, another turning point for me. Once again, I gave up. It was my first time realizing that, for someone energetic like me, I sure gave up a lot when it comes towards life goal. 

I finally graduated from high school and started to be in the phase of contemplating my own life. Staring at the UPU form felt like I could form a hole on my laptop screen so I decided to give myself some spaces to think about my own future (oh, and did I ever mention how my parents let me decide everything for myself by myself? Don't be jealous there, you can't have them. My parents are mine). I think a lot back then until I decided to still put Arts & Design as my first choice. I don't know why I chose it even after the humiliating defeat I experienced after I knew my brother's CGPA. My hand moved by itself, I guess? Hahaha. My second choice was TESL. Since I always performed excellently in English at school, I recommended this for myself. There's no way I would choose Science stream anymore. Getting a D in Chemistry was a stop sign for everything. My third choice was New Media and Contentrepreneurship. The list goes on and on until the last choice, which is the sixth one. I forgot what I put for the rest. 

Finally, it was time to step into the school for one last time to take our SPM result. My result was so-so, I guess. But, still, I was announced as one of the best students in school (didn't expect that. Alhamdulillah) and, yeah of course, I triumphed over my brother in SPM. 

Judging from my result and knowing how much I was at a lost in choosing my major in university, my parents helped me by suggesting some suitable courses that might be under my preferences. That's when I knew about Communication and Media course. My father said that since I scored A+ in English and got my GCE 1119 a 1A, Communication and Media might be a good choice for me. He also said that because he knew how I write a lot and English seemed to be my language preference in study. Plus, he seemed to know how I secretly admire the works of the media and how many times a journalist can go travel around instead of sitting in front of a desk doing works like as if there is no future awaits tomorrow. After he explained everything about the course, I went and googled about the course. A lot of blogs appeared in the search results and I read them one by one. I knew that this must be a fated encounter for me to finally found a suiting major for me after I read all of the bloggers' experiences and what have they achieved from studying the course for three years. It's going to be a really really really long entry if I type down what makes me decided to choose Communication and Media Studies for my Diploma but I'll just say this one thing; Only Allah knows why (ahahahah, I guess that does not give you a clue, isn't it? Well, leave it be).

Since there was still a chance for ex-candidates of SPM to change what they have filled in the UPU form, I hurriedly opened the website and changed the options that I chose from my first choice. You have no idea just how delighted I was to finally be able to make my final decision. It felt like I can finally end my life peacefully (even though I know I actually can't. Too many sins *sobs*) and rest myself down on a flower bed. It felt like I have just survived a tough war even though I have already been hit by countless bombs and missiles (defeat and surrender). 

Now, I have settled my third semester in Media and Communication course with no hassle and will be starting my fourth semester on December 5th. There are a few subjects that did not go well for me but most of it was good. I enjoyed studying in this course and am planning to be a journalist contributing to a travel magazine. I even got a compliment from my lecturer that I have a potential to be one because of my writing. I promise I won't disappoint my parents who have lend their hand, head, and heart to their daughter who kept giving up in deciding the simplest thing in life. I love you, ibu, abah. 

Sitting down in front of my laptop contemplating on what I have been doing since the last five years in high school, it took me half an hour until I decided to take a few days going outside to make a good decision to fill out my UPU form. 

I could still picture my past self who were holding a wooden pencil sketching and doodling on her favourite sketchbook, ditching on her responsibility as a student who should be studying for PMR & SPM. Those were my treasured times. The most enjoyable moments I had every time I drew something out of my own imagination and it turned out just like how I wanted it to be. I really enjoyed seeing the improvements I made every week. I learned how to use various kind of art software (even Photoshop was a piece of cake ahaha) and started learning web designing. The people around me kept complimenting this one talent I had and the result of my effort staying up all night to finish up an artwork. That's when I decided to be a 2D illustrator. I knew I shouldn't waste this great talent I had so I pushed myself to make improvements every day. 

However, one day, I heard a conversation my parents and my brother had about his CGPA after his three semesters majoring in Digital Arts and that's when I decided that I should give up on my dream to study in Arts & Design in university after I graduate from high school. I don't know if I made the right choice or not but my sense of rivalry was telling me that I could never defeat his 4 flat even if I were to stay up all night drawing. Aside from my father who is more fond of science stuff, all of my family members have a talent in drawing. But my brother is different from the rest. You have no idea how his 11 years of self training in digital arts has brought him to where he is now. I know how much he loved digital and fine arts. He, at least, deserved those unconquerable result. In the end, it was a bad end for me. I stopped halfway towards my goal and that was it. My drawings skill got rusted after a few months not opening my sketchbook and lying down on bed updating my blog like there was no tomorrow. That was one of the most difficult time in my life. For the first time, I cried just because of a mere reason that I would not be able to defeat my brother whom I have triumphed over countless of times in exams.

I changed my goal to be a pharmacist after I got submitted to Science stream class in my Form 4. I knew I have always got my eyes on Biology and Chemistry since my first year in high school. Listening how my mother had so much fun studying in science course when she was in UK always had my curiosity piqued to know what Science has to serve my interest. But, as the saying goes, interest is not enough if it is not accompanied with efforts. My exam results was excellent except for Biology, Chemistry, Physics, & Additional Mathematics. I studied those 4 subjects just because it seemed interesting for me but I have never put any effort in understanding the subjects properly. So, putting it short, I, once again, failed to strive for my second goal.

My relative once told me that I should try to put some thoughts on becoming a patissier (or pastry chef) because she knew I love making desserts and decorating it. I simply did that as a hobby actually but I made a research about it anyway. Since it seemed interesting and, as the local society says, it suits more for a woman to work in the kitchen, I started to work more on reaching towards becoming a pastry chef. When I thought I finally have settled on a life goal, things just started to go rough. An acquaintance of mine who had an experience majoring in culinary arts told me that being a patissier is definitely not for someone like me. She said that time consistency is the utmost importance in everything when it comes to pastry making and this routine does not suit for someone who makes pastries out of a mere hobby. She also added that if I always complain if the outcomes do not suit my taste, then the world of pastry is definitely, positively, and undoubtedly, not for me to step in. It hurt hearing that but it was the truth. So, yeah, another turning point for me. Once again, I gave up. It was my first time realizing that, for someone energetic like me, I sure gave up a lot when it comes towards life goal. 

I finally graduated from high school and started to be in the phase of contemplating my own life. Staring at the UPU form felt like I could form a hole on my laptop screen so I decided to give myself some spaces to think about my own future (oh, and did I ever mention how my parents let me decide everything for myself by myself? Don't be jealous there, you can't have them. My parents are mine). I think a lot back then until I decided to still put Arts & Design as my first choice. I don't know why I chose it even after the humiliating defeat I experienced after I knew my brother's CGPA. My hand moved by itself, I guess? Hahaha. My second choice was TESL. Since I always performed excellently in English at school, I recommended this for myself. There's no way I would choose Science stream anymore. Getting a D in Chemistry was a stop sign for everything. My third choice was New Media and Contentrepreneurship. The list goes on and on until the last choice, which is the sixth one. I forgot what I put for the rest. 

Finally, it was time to step into the school for one last time to take our SPM result. My result was so-so, I guess. But, still, I was announced as one of the best students in school (didn't expect that. Alhamdulillah) and, yeah of course, I triumphed over my brother in SPM. 

Judging from my result and knowing how much I was at a lost in choosing my major in university, my parents helped me by suggesting some suitable courses that might be under my preferences. That's when I knew about Communication and Media course. My father said that since I scored A+ in English and got my GCE 1119 a 1A, Communication and Media might be a good choice for me. He also said that because he knew how I write a lot and English seemed to be my language preference in study. Plus, he seemed to know how I secretly admire the works of the media and how many times a journalist can go travel around instead of sitting in front of a desk doing works like as if there is no future awaits tomorrow. After he explained everything about the course, I went and googled about the course. A lot of blogs appeared in the search results and I read them one by one. I knew that this must be a fated encounter for me to finally found a suiting major for me after I read all of the bloggers' experiences and what have they achieved from studying the course for three years. It's going to be a really really really long entry if I type down what makes me decided to choose Communication and Media Studies for my Diploma but I'll just say this one thing; Only Allah knows why (ahahahah, I guess that does not give you a clue, isn't it? Well, leave it be).

Since there was still a chance for ex-candidates of SPM to change what they have filled in the UPU form, I hurriedly opened the website and changed the options that I chose from my first choice. You have no idea just how delighted I was to finally be able to make my final decision. It felt like I can finally end my life peacefully (even though I know I actually can't. Too many sins *sobs*) and rest myself down on a flower bed. It felt like I have just survived a tough war even though I have already been hit by countless bombs and missiles (defeat and surrender). 

Now, I have settled my third semester in Media and Communication course with no hassle and will be starting my fourth semester on December 5th. There are a few subjects that did not go well for me but most of it was good. I enjoyed studying in this course and am planning to be a journalist contributing to a travel magazine. I even got a compliment from my lecturer that I have a potential to be one because of my writing. I promise I won't disappoint my parents who have lend their hand, head, and heart to their daughter who kept giving up in deciding the simplest thing in life. I love you, ibu, abah.